If you cast your eyes across any town in this great nation of ours you would be fooled into thinking that everything is as it should be. You would be wrong. For a new menace now stalks our streets. If you focus on the knitwear adorning many of our people’s heads you will be made aware of the horror that is the Brain Panda.
It is unknown what has sparked this evolutionary side step but it has been rumoured that North Korean experimentation into deadly Gamma rays may be a factor. It would seem that these new Pandas rather than feast upon bamboo seek to feed upon Synaptic impulses and brain waves. Cunningly disguised as twee woolly hats these Brain Pandas leach upon the wearer’s thoughts, a side effect being that only the most banal ways of thinking survive the gorging. If this continues the citizens of our nation will soon be reduced to brain-dead cattle like morons.
I for one only hope that when this day comes we will be able to tell the difference.
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